Hey, sillypants! C’mon in. I have to be honest with you. I’m having a hard time getting today’s blog started. I’ll confess why.

I had a sneak peek at the scale 2 days ago. I hadn’t lost anything. So I drank a lake’s worth of water thinking, logically or not, that a rushing waterfall through my body would swoosh out the weight I should have lost. Ha! I even dreamed that night about… well, about peeing, okay? I peed everywhere. I peed in private and I peed in public with no shame. I peed like a cat marking his territory. With great relief and greater disbelief, I did not find myself having to wash sheets the next morning (urine luck! *snort*). Also, my weight hadn’t budged.

It was one of those WTF moments. This week, I ate less than my calorie limit every day – usually by about 300 calories. I wasn’t trying to be a hero. I had made a pretty good chunk of progress with Psych and the compulsion to eat lessened. My friend, Michaelah, and I talked about that compulsion/obsession yesterday. She lost 120 pounds and has kept it off a year and half now. She didn’t pay anyone to weigh in on their scales or use their program. She knew that the root of an addiction is all the psych swirling around it. Anyone can be taught portion control, how to cook healthier,  how much of this or that you should have in your diet.  Honest to god though, if I’ve learned anything, it’s that if you do not get to and then work through the psychological tangle behind the compulsion, it’s all for naught. Like puttin’ up drywall on rotten lumber, baby. Like staining a cabin without pressure washin’. Like changin’ your oil without a fedora. Wait…

In addition to the scale possibly not budging by the time I pounce (okay, gingerly mince because as we all know, how you mount the scale changes the outcome – right? Right?!!) onto it, the Hernia Twins are still alive and well. If this is your first time popping by, just know that I have a post-op hernia surgery fluid buildup in ma grand belly. It measures about 6″x10″, is shaped like a football, and currently resides above my belly button. It has added 6″ to my waist measurement. So really, it’s a lot like a kick in the face with a biker boot, you know?  The only comfort to the face kick is that if I measure above the twins, I’ve lost 5″ on my waist so far. Oh, and 2.5″ on my neck which is just strange and bemusing.

Hi, American friends!

Despite the possible unwavering number on the scale and the twins thriving, I shall forge ahead undaunted! I shall stay the course with my svelte neck holding my enormous head (24″) high. I shall laugh in the face of cupcakes and garlic bread and thwart their attack with melon grenades and dill pickle bullets! I hope you pictured that with me as Patton.

By the way, Vancouver was awesome as evidenced by these photos. That’s my bro, Mike, on the left and my cousin Deanna is the ginger. Deanna’s friend Sara is hugging James Ball (comedian) and Brett Martin (comedian) is doing his best Beelzebub.

Believe me, the ‘fix red eye’ attempt was worse than this.

Note in my lunch from Mom

All right, back to belly business. Going to the scale. Dun dun DUUUUN. Oh! One pound lost! Sure, I thought it would be more, but I’m figuring out that sometimes those changes take another week to register. Heeeey, maybe all that peeing in my dreams did work, i.e. dreams DO come true, people. 😉

Love,

Lori (MyFitnessPal: lorihasfun)

Pounds lost this week: 1

Pounds lost to date: 23.1

*** Hey, while you’re here, want to sign up for email updates? I like knowing you’re coming so I know how many places to set at the table. Mwah! ***

* comedy update *

While in Vancouver, I was tickled to join Graham Clark & Dave Shumka on their award-winning podcast, Stop Podcasting Yourself. They are so much GD fun! Have a listen if you like.

The inaugural Calgary Comedy Festival is on its way! There are shows all week of September 24-30 but if you are wanting one of my hugs, I’ll be at Calgary Yuk Yuks September 27-29 or you can catch me at the Gala Show Sept 29 at the Jubilee Auditorium trying to act like a normal breathing human while I am in the general proximity of Bruce McCulloch (My Pen!!!) and Mark McKinney (Chicken Lady) of The Kids in the Hall.