Hi! Where have you been and why are you not carrying snacks?

Jesse Pinkman cries, I cry.

Okay, I’m watching the Bachelor finale right now. I PVR’d it because they drag things out. I’ve fast-forwarded a good portion of it; you know, the dude saying repeatedly, “I truly don’t know who I’m going to choose,” even though it’s 4 minutes til he proposes marriage. I’m seriously stressed out watching this.

Uuuggghhhh. He just rejected that one girl (no spoilers). She was so sure it was going to be a proposal. Poor lamb. I cried along with her. Holy good god, what’s happening? The other girl has had a letter delivered to him. Commercial break! *GASP* Okay, now he’s proposed to the other girl and I cried again, so that’s super.

Oh GREAT! All this Bachelor stress probably has the Evil Cortisol flowing out of my dorky brain and packing on pounds. I could be the first person to ever blame watching The Bachelor for weight issues, but I must admit, I do love being original [shakes fist in Chris Harrison’s general direction].

I did not go to the gym to meet Fit Bitch, Meg Brown, last week. I was scared, anxious and intimidated by the gym. I fessed up to Meg. She emailed me back and this is what hooked me: “The key to making big changes is to step outside your comfort zone. That’s where the magic is. Remember when you stepped on stage for the first time? Just like that.” Once I saw the parallel between starting comedy and it became much less frightening to go to the gym. Weights aren’t as scary as many of my gigs… mostly because weights are seldom hammered and/or at a stagette and/or in Cold Lake.

You guys really helped me out lately. When I’ve had a gain or I’ve plateaued, I felt like a big, dumpy failure. Then a couple of people posted that they were glad to find out I was human. As a matter of fact, I recently went for a psychology top up and would you believe the nerve of Psych – she ALSO intimated that I am human! I want my GD money back, lady!!! Don’t you know I think I should be amazing at absolutely everything (except water skiing)?!

Psych also stated that getting used to a new job usually takes about a year. It’s been two months and I wring my hands because I don’t know everything yet. Oh, I soooo don’t know everything.  Ask me about today when I bellowed hello to a coworker while Roger was reading the news on the air. Ask me how long it took me to stop eating crunchy food and/or coughing when callers phoned in. Ask me how I briefly interrupted a commercial one day, likely making me sound like a stroke victim or someone with clean Tourette’s.

I pride myself on handling what life throws at me well, e.g. “Oh yes. I just landed in another career and it’s amazing and of course I’ll just merge that into my life seamlessly and smoothly, handling it all with with aplomb and a serene smile. No. Big. Deal.” Who am I trying to fool, I wonder? Probably myself.

In any case, while I’ll continue to give it my best, I’ll also remember that I’m a damn human and this is a process and it takes time.

Good thing I’m on the ‘being-a-human’ bandwagon because I gained a GD pound this week. DAMN YOU, BACHELOR!!!  I’m going on the no-reality-TV-because-it-produces-cortisol plan for the next week. I’ll only watch low-stress TV, like Sit & Be Fit, Clifford the Big Red Dog & reruns of The Waltons.

Love,

Lori

Pounds gained this week: 1

Total pounds lost: 52.3