Category Archive

Hi Sillypants, c’mon in. Let’s put the blankets in the dryer for 10 minutes then wrap ourselves in them then pass out from bliss. Just got back from a short trip to Minneapolis. I thought of Mary Tyler Moore the whole time and threw my hats everywhere. Just kidding. Hats don’t fit this enormous noggin. While away, I walked, swam, … Read More

Happy Halloween, homies! May your jack-o-lantern be abundant with delicious seeds, may your childrens’ sugar highs be tolerable and may your costumes contain your bosoms. Why the bosom remark? Oh, I’ll tell ya why. On Saturday at an out-of-town gig, a fight broke out between some ladies (?) in whorish costumes. In the aftermath, I heard the mini-riot was incited … Read More

Hey Sugar! Wait. Considering what I’ve learned about sugar in the last week, I shall not sully your good reputation by using it as your pet name. About 20 cm of snow fell last night. In response and protest, I have assumed the position demonstrated in the photo and will stay as such until April. Almost true, except the snow, … Read More

Hey, my little pumpernickel. Come on in. I want to call this post “Unfinished Research” because I have a lot to say but am not prepared. When I was in Grade 7, I had to do an oral (snicker) report on Alexander Graham Bell (he invented the iPhone and yams). Mr. Yokota would pick random students each day to present … Read More

Hey gorgeous! Get your sweet ass in here. I pre-warmed your spot on the couch with my aura. So, here’s something. I was at Psych this morning. Here is an excerpt: Me: Did I tell you I’m going to Hawaii in the Spring? Yeah, I really want to lose enough weight to go zip-lining. I hear some places have weight … Read More

What is up, HOMIES!?!? Here, have a coffee. Do you want something to eat? I have dried mangoes, generic brand kidney beans and some freezer-burnt meat. Mmm, casserole. Pardon my flitting about. I’ve just had a solid week of comedy and most of my AB+ blood (yeah, I AM special) has been replaced with adrenaline. I’m trying to keep the … Read More

Welcome! Glad you could stop by. Hey, could I ask you something? Thanks. Have I gone crazy? Whoa, enough with the smirk. I shouldn’t have set you up like that. Here’s the thing… I’m writing this on Monday morning. The number on the scale isn’t moving.  This is disturbing. I’m very disciplined about my caloric intake and believe me, I … Read More

Hey, sillypants! C’mon in. I have to be honest with you. I’m having a hard time getting today’s blog started. I’ll confess why. I had a sneak peek at the scale 2 days ago. I hadn’t lost anything. So I drank a lake’s worth of water thinking, logically or not, that a rushing waterfall through my body would swoosh out … Read More

Heeey! Come in, come in. You look good. Stop getting Botox. Oh wow, I just remembered I had a dream last night. I was offered Botox and I said no. Phew, smart even my dreams, baby! Of course, had it been a dream about a breast lift or tummy tuck, I may have violently tackled everyone in line ahead of … Read More

Hi! Get in here. Did you bring cake? WHAT? Okay, I’m sure you have a good reason. You brought beef dip with fries and gravy so we could save the cake for dessert? Brilliant! High five! WHAT? No beef dip. Okay, wow. I am onto you. You want to take me out for a Blizzard. Whee hee! Let’s DO this … Read More